Hello.
Can you help me?
I hope so, I need your advice.
You see, I feel a little lost.
Well, actually, is lost the word?
Maybe it's lost or perhaps shocked or dithering even?
You see, after nearly 20 years in the work force, I'm now a Stay At Home Mum (with a Crafty blog).
And well, it's really hard to adapt to this new life.
It's not that I don't love spending time with Bubba, cos I really do, I adore it, it's the best job in the world.
But....
But, every time I look in the mirror I see working office girl Rie not Mumma Rie.
Does that make sense? Maybe not. It's hard to explain.
I don't have to go back to work. I have no desire to go back to work. I don't miss work. Most new mums that I know have gone back to work - does that mean I should too? Is bubba missing out because he's not in daycare like the other kids?
And, I just don't feel the whole process of motherhood as a career has adopted me!
Well, it's not like I had a job interview for this motherhood job, nor did I have any training, nor are there any manuals and no, there is no 3 month trial period.
This motherhood job is for life.
Which is cool, it's great & wonderful & I look forward to everyday with bubba as I watch him grow & learn.
But... how do I step away from working office Rie?
I've tried to explain it to a few people but they don't seem to understand. They seem to think that I'm over-reacting or that I should just go back to work a few days a week or that I have Post Natal Depression.
I'm not, I don't want too & I don't have PND.
No.
So I decided, yes, I made a decision. If my main problem was that I don't look like a mum (well to me anyway).... then I should change the way I look. And the easiest way to do this is to chop off my hair! My hair is mid-way down my back & has been for years & years & years... so I'll chop it off short.
Eeek..... everybody said - that's over-reacting. Nope, I told them, if it doesn't work the hair will grow back & I'll try something else. So I did, I had it all chopped off. AND....it's been a few days now & I feel great! I think it worked!!! And I love waking up with crazy bed hair, it's hilarious!!!
Whatchya think?
Did I over-react?
Are you a Stay at Home Mum? How did you adjust to motherhood as a full time career?
.... and... do I sound nuts?
I just did the same thing with my hair last week. Change is good!
ReplyDeleteI'm probably no help - as my 'career' before children was being a nanny!
ReplyDeleteI think you will evolve into it, its still early days with your son being so young? It is a really huge lifestyle change - it'll just take some time.
I love your haircut!!
I wish I had the guts for a change in style - maybe one day!!XXJ
+First of all the new hair cut is fab.
ReplyDeleteSecond I have been I stay at home mom for 24 years eek!! After all this time I wonder what it would be like to work, it's natural. The grass is always green on the other side of the fence stuff. But if you ask my kids they like the fact that I was a stay at home mom, I was always there for them. I will grant you that it is not the most glamorus of jobs out there and the hours can be long. But what it boils down to in the end do you want to make a diffrence in Bubba's life and help shape a unique human being? Can you live on a "salary of hugs and kisses"? or do you need outside accolades?
Ask away with your questions and I will try to answer to the best of my ability.
Ha ha ha... that is so funny because I have the same problem for the first year... I just could get use to being a stay at home mum, but the way I tacled it was buying more mum/casual looking clothes.. it worked for me :)
ReplyDeleteHehe. What a great story. I love that you want to give the Mumma Rie such a go that you are trying everything. I can honestly say that your bubba will thank you for it. Maybe you could give it a five year trial and then see. Or maybe when you get alittle more anxious for work you could try a small home based job that may be able to give you the best of both worlds. Personally, although you definitely look great with the new do, I do prefer the long hair as I am a long hair lover. However, babies also are long hair lovers so it makes sense to have it short for a while too. Maybe some people thought of the cut as overreacting because their hair takes forever to grow back. Cherrie
ReplyDeleteI've just gone back to work after 18 years as a stay at home mum and I have to say that I wish I could still be one! Good luck with the adjustment, i personally think it is well worth it in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteBig changes take time to adjust to and I think we all have times when we feel a little lost. I found myself indulging in all the things I could never do while I was working. I got more into baking and crafting and made friends with other stay at home mothers - who made what I was doing seem more normal and were supportive of my choices. And if a hair cut helps you feel like a new you, that's a good thing I think! :)
ReplyDeletei think you look great! :)
ReplyDeletexxx
p.s. just left sara at college... maybe i should cut my hair... :)
I made up my mind that being at home WAS my job, and decided I was going to make sure my child was well educated and looked into how was I going to make that fun for my child and do a good job of that until they went to school. House work..How could I make my house look fantastic and do so in the time I had. I made a schedule, just as if I were at work. Now, I am working on improving our fitness, and our meals to make our bodies more fit, and our meals more healthy. It is a job a BIG one.
ReplyDeleteHi Rie, I understand where you are coming from. I worked right up until I had our first. When he was born we had a very bumpy start. My sister kept saying I think you have PND, I was all no, I am just frustrated, because bub was sick and noone was listening to us. We live in a small town and the local GP's and hospital, just thought I was being an over reactive first time Mum. At four months bub ended up with jaundice and we had to take him to a paedatrician in the city two and a half hours north of us. He actually listened to us, bub had a blood test done and it was discovered that yes he was jaundiced. After an ultrasound at the hospital it was found that he had gallstones. He had an operation to remove his gall bladder at seven months.
ReplyDeleteWhile it was really hard in those early days I just kept focused on getting through every day the best we could. We then added to our family and life settled into more of a routine for us. I love to cook and bake so now with the boys 5 and 3 and 3/4's, I feel more comfortable in the role of Mum.
The kids like to help out with baking, the vegie garden and tiding up and things, so, I feel by staying home with them they are getting the best start possible. They are learning the values we want them to not someone else's. Big boy start Prep this year and has settled in well. Other kids that have been in daycare are still struggling and finding it hard. So, the whole ''they need to be socialised at daycare'' is false. Your bub will not miss out on being at home with you, he will learn how to interact with the great wide world by watching you and your partner.
The thing I missed most about not being at work was the social side and the day to day interaction with my friends and customers. I tried going to a local Mothers group a couple of times, I just found it to be very clicky. So, we stayed home and I would visit friends that I did want to catch up with.
Sorry for being so long winded. I love being a stay at home Mum. No, you don't sound nuts. I love your hair. Hope this ramble has been of some help.
Cheers, Deb
Well, I am of no real help because I am a SAHM and I love it - I have no desire to go back to work and that was probably due to the fact that I really didn't like where I was working anyway! However I do want to work for myself one day - in the crafty world of course, and while I am busy concentrating on my growing family at the moment, I can take time to plot and plan exactly how I will do this. Oh, and I love the haircut! Isn't it great how fab a change can make you feel?
ReplyDeleteFirstly let me say the hair cut is fabulous. I tend to do that whenever I am feeling in a bit of a rut and it works a treat.
ReplyDeleteI was in the workforce full time for 13 years before we had our first baby and it was really hard to adjust to being at home with just baby all the time. Especially as we live 40 mins from town and don't go in all that often.
Sometimes I still miss the social and brain side of work but I am not really feeling the need to go back to work at the moment.
I am lucky, I do our farm bookkeeping still and help a few other farmers out so it keeps me handy.
I served on my local school board for 20 years until I was defeated last November. I loved being on the school board, I loved being involved in education at the local, state and even national level. For a month or two I thought I wouldn't be able to let it go, that they needed me as much as I needed to be involved. But as the months go by I'm finding more and more things that I can enjoy, that I want to do and that I have put off for 20 years because I had these other responsibilities and commitments. Give yourself some time to find out who you are, and I like the haircut, by the way. Raising children is the most rewarding, frustrating, growing, challenging, exhilarating experience you could ever have. Why would you want to let a paid daycare person experience all that instead of you, who really cares what happens to your little one. And being your own boss, deciding what you'll do and when you'll do it is wonderful. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, you'll find your balance because now you have the time. Good luck and enjoy the journey.
ReplyDeletehaha, i don't think you're crazy and i don't think you overreacting! 20 years in the workforce is a long time and you just need some mumma time to adjust to your new role :) the haircut is great and a change is good. just do what your heart says and what you want to do, not what other people are doing :)
ReplyDeleteI love your new look. Cannot advice you because i always worked and had no children..... Now i am retired and I LOVE CRAFTING.
ReplyDeleteWay to go! I think chopping the hair was a good idea - sometimes I think it is important to add tangible change to "paradigm shift" changes in your life to acknowledge them. Your hair looks great, and if you don't want to go back to work and you don't need to go back to work, then by all means, don't go! There is certainly plenty to do raising a young one!
ReplyDeleteI think the time we get to spend with our children are very precious, and that it's a privilege to be able to stay at home with them. They do grow so fast! Enjoy the time :) And your hair look fabulous!! :)
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I cut my hair off when I became a mum and was staying home although I didn't have a crafty blog then (just read lots of them!). It is hard trying to redefine yourself. I don't think I even *really* felt like a mum till I had my second.. It was all games for me before that! And now after a significant absence I'm back at work and trying to redefine myself as a working mum again. Argh!!
ReplyDeleteWhen i look in the mirror, I still see me, just as me. I waited a long time to become a mum so I don't feel weird about the role. I imagined what it might be like numerous times to have a little one hold my hand or call me "mum". It doesn't mean I didn't have trouble adjusting to the loss of me though, the loss of independence. But my adjustment was not work related. I'm slated to go back to work 3 days a week next April but not sure I want to. We'll see.
ReplyDeleteAs to the hair, I'm too chicken to cut mine short, but I can see it would be very practical. I have been tempted!
Change is good, you´re beautiful.
ReplyDelete